Coffee Addiction Calculator

The Bean Meter

Measure your dependence on the dark nectar of productivity.

Addiction Level
45%
Caffeine Dependent

If the espresso machine breaks, you break.

The Scoring System

This is not a diagnostic tool. The scoring is arbitrary but internally consistent:
Cups × 15 (immediate consumption),
Years × 5 (habit duration),
Withdrawal × 10 (dependency severity),
Budget ÷ 10 (financial commitment).

Max score of 300 = 100% addiction tier. You're not actually 100% addicted until you are; this is just fun math.

The Jitter Factor

Estimated resting heart rate: 85 BPM. You can vibrate through walls if you try hard enough.

Lifetime Spend

You have spent approximately $9,000 on beans. That's a decent used car.

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